Love And Fear: Campaign Update 2 by Michael Nichols

We're about to close the first half of our crowdfunding campaign! If you haven't heard, I'm making a record with some amazing musicians and friends, and we're raising money for gear. When you pre-order the record for just $10, you'll get an instant download of one of the singles, "Find You In The Light." We're currently at 12% of our goal, which is amazing! When we first launched this campaign, I was as nervous as ever. Correction: I am nervous! But the response so far has been great, both in feedback about our music and in the generosity of friends and family. We've raised $580 of the $5000 we're shooting for to make this the best record it can possibly be. We actually crossed that 10% mark by the end of week 2!

As awesome as that is, we've hit a pretty big slump since then.

We have barely over a month left to go, so if you can help by preordering our record "Love And Fear," picking one of our perk packages (including anything from downloads to signed CDs, to t-shirts, posters, and microphones), sharing the campaign on social media, and most importantly praying that God will make a way for this to happen and that His will would be done.

As much as we love making music and having fun, though, this is our ministry above all else. We want to reach a world that is afraid by offering them the love of Jesus Christ. We're just looking for the means to do that the best way we know how. :)

ALSO, here's some exciting news! A fantastic friend of mine asked to interview me about the new record. She has an amazing devotional account on Instagram, so head over there and check out @shinejesus_ for some excellent words from the Father, and watch out for the interview, coming soon!

Be sure to check out our campaign on IndieGoGo and head over to SoundCloud to listen to our brand new track, "Find You In The Light."

Thanks for all of your support! :)


Flipping Switches by Michael Nichols

I can still remember a time when I had no internet. Strange. It's hard to imagine a world without the web. Our first computer was bought when I was five years of age. It ran one of the earliest versions of Windows. I can't remember if we even had a mouse for it. I was young, so what did I do? Play games. What else is a five-year-old going to do with a computer?

While the computers of my very young age rested atop a desk (hence, "desktop" computer), exponentially greater power rests in the palms--the palms of millions of hands worldwide. They're not that expensive, and they do basically everything. Smartphones not only call people, but they process more data more rapidly than the early Apollo spacecraft. It borderlines on miraculous.

Despite the beauty of a world more connected and more accessible than it has ever been, we find ourselves in a predicament. It was more obvious to people raised within a decade of my birth, because they really experienced the first wave of it. I'm talking about media addiction. Sure, resistors have always followed new technology of all kinds (electronics pun emphatically intended). But it was mostly about work at first. As the English proverb goes, "Necessity is the mother of invention."  Then something happened. Computing became about more than work. It became about leasure. Enter the gamer's world.

Atari. Nintendo. Sega. Sony. Microsoft. And let's not forget the countless software devs that work not only with countless hardware platforms but develop countless games for those platforms.

I'm not going to lie. I love video games. I don't play much now, but they're loads of fun. They can be simultaneously exhilarating and almost therapeutically relaxing if that's your thing. But just like anything we do for leisure, we are subject to being caught in a world. Sure, there are professional gamers just like there are professional athletes, professional critics, professional... everything, really. But as someone who has been there, anything can be allowed to get out of hand. Anything can become an addiction.

Let me be clear. Video games, work computers, smartphones, all these things--they're fantastic. They're beautiful. God made us beautifully, so you'd think we'd also make things beautifully, though not on His level... But we're also fallen.

Fallen man likes to create fantasy worlds. Fallen man likes to escape pain. Fallen man likes to walk the easier roads. While tech can be a beautiful conduit, it can easily suck us into itself.

Take social media as a somewhat ironic example. (I am posting this on WordPress, am I not?) Built to connect people with each other, and on a global scale. It has succeeded. Nonetheless, people have succeeded to add this to the shells we tend to put around ourselves. There was email. Then there was instant messaging. Then there was Myspace. Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. And they just keep coming. It was just a quicker way to send mail at first. Then it became shorter, and more conversational. Then we could share photos. Status updates. Videos. Articles. Links. We could comment on them. Now we can "Like" them. Favorite, +1, upvote, downvote, pin. Heck. Many Facebookers treat their profile like it's their own personally written and edited news column... mainly because it is. Professionals and people in the public realm use social media on the daily to promote, promote, promote. We, the fans, show our support by following their accounts, liking their fan page, subscribing to their videos.

When a tragedy comes to our friends, we can now easily send them our condolences. They can easily notify anyone at any time about the big, the little, the good, the bad, the average, the special, the exciting, the utterly snoring-boring.

Now, I grant you that not everyone is connected on a deep level. That's okay. That's not a fault, especially when you take into account how social media for the first time makes celebrities easily accessible to fans, serving to somewhat destratify social classes.

But I want to ask you a personal question. Be honest. How easily does this tendency to show support via digital media erode the real-world connections you have? Some may be more prone to this than others. I know I am. When I first started out on social media, I didn't post much. I didn't say much. I had a profile picture, blogged sometimes, and messaged friends often. Then I realized how fun status posting could be. I could share any thought, no matter how small or quirky, with everyone. But despite the fact that this practice isn't necessarily inherently bad, albeit somewhat annoying, eventually, I started to feel cheaper, so I started posting less. The less I posted, the less wrapped up in the news feed I was, the more I lived in the real world with the real people. That should be the point of social media, but is it anymore? or has it turned into more of a personalized TV show, like TMZ for our own little lives. Just like we reduce celebrities in that kind of way, is it possible for social media overconsumption to do that to our own lives, and neglect the people in them?

How sad it is that our show of support to people has been reduced to flipping switches via a digital remote control! No longer do we need to pool efforts, nor make a journey, nor immerse ourselves in each others arms, nor speak words of life, nor give of ourselves. We flip switches. Ones and zeros. On and off. Oh, does this not speak so much about how we think of ourselves and our lives? We have reduced ourselves to the machines we use, but this is not who we are. We are not machines, and therefore, we cannot be fixed. But we can be loved. We can surround ourselves with each other. We can bear one another's burdens. We can encourage one another. But we cannot fix anything, and no, kicking each other will not make us work, as we seem to think is true of our gaming consoles.

They without knowledge cannot push a button to activate some hidden portion of their minds. They without morals cannot simply plug into a set of values that make them treat the world with as much value as Jesus treats them. They who mourn don't have the luxury of flipping a switch to make it all better.

Jesus inhabits us. He doesn't flip a switch.

Jesus heals us. He doesn't fix us.

We are not machines. We are souls.

Semester Four, Week Six by Michael Nichols

I just finished my second response essay for Dr. Herman's MUS 206 (that's American Music History), and I must say that I've realized that I've done a lot of second guessing and freaking out over things I shouldn't have and overthinking, a process of which I am the undisputable master. I had a choice of four topics to choose from. My choice, in short, was to talk about the significant role a band has played in my life.

Now, I know what half of you are thinking. "Oh, no. He's going to ramble to his professor about every single Yellowcard record in existence." Shockingly, no -- I think it's relevant that I'm currently listening to their song "Only One" from their release Ocean Avenue Acoustic. Actually, one of the possibilities explicitly stated in the topic description was that I could talk about my own experience being a part of a band. So, that's what I talked about.

Everything came back to me, how we started out as a pair of strangers at a coffee-and-music event put on by a local church (which I'm now a part of). I remembered how I had this decades-old guitar with a broken saddle being held together by scotch tape and supported by a bottle cap. I remembered I sang a solo version of "Shadows and Regrets," also by Yellowcard, a mutual favorite band. I remembered being this lonely teenage cynic who wasn't sure who or what to trust or believe in, other than having learned all his life that Jesus is the main person to trust, and that He is trustworthy.

I remember writing all of these super angry-depressed songs but hiding behind an exterior that pretended everything was okay at home and at school and at a very old-school, conformed-to-tradition church, when I felt like I belonged in none of those places. But then I remember meeting this dude who liked to write and play music like I did, who believed in Jesus but didn't condemn me for not following every nit-picky little tradition to the letter, who treated me like a normal person. To this day, he's still a bandmate, co-writer, and one of the best friends I've had, who's been there through some of my darkest times, helped me make sense of stuff, been a voice of compassion and a fire under me when I needed both. I look forward to continuing to work with him and be a friend to him the same way he has been to me.

But there are some things I didn't remember. Not that I forgot all the mistakes I've made, all the good times I've missed, all the bad times I could have avoided, all the people whom I've betrayed or have betrayed me, all the people whom I've hurt and have hurt me, the ignorance, the idiocy, the immaturity, all of myself and others -- no, I haven't forgotten those times... but unlike what has been true of me since spring 2008, I think back on these times with this awesome friend of mine, whom I'd tag here if he were on WordPress, and I don't think about the dark times. I still hold them in the back of my mind as lessons I've learned, but they're just echoes now, things that have no more power over me.

When I wrote my essay, I related it to the music, but in writing that essay, I realized all of this other stuff. No matter how hard life has been so far, I haven't been stopped from living, pursuing what I love, being human, or believing that Jesus loves me and has a future for me both here and in eternity -- though, for those of you who don't know, I've come close to all these things over the past five years. That's the power that one single friend among billions of people on this planet has had...

... and that is why I believe in good, why I believe in love, and why I believe in God.

Nothing in this world has been able to take away my joy, and by the grace of God alone, nothing will.

Wood Chips of Faith -- Part 3: The Corinthians by Michael Nichols

The church at Corinth, spoken of in the writings of the new covenant, was a church undergoing a transformation. They, like myself, experienced an intersection of what they were told to trust and what they came to trust. A city of idols, when they were greeted by the apostle Paul, he recognised that the position they were in was foreign to the place from which he came. They had an established system of doing things, completely based upon the idols they worshiped. In order to reach them, he met them where they were, spoke to the place they were in.

In the beginning of his first letter, he talks about how the foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of man. That's a tough pill to swallow. Even the most basic of God's concepts defy the most complicated of man's. People tend to do what makes them feel good for the moment, but God tends to do things that do good for us and others.

This ancient church was one living by the will of the flesh. People involved in numerous sexual sins (including incest) were popping up. People were dealing with the collision of their old beliefs with their new beliefs. Some were abusing the rite of the Lord's Table (or Communion), while others still were merely confused about how spiritual gifts (prophecy, healing, speaking in tongues, and the like) were to be used. All of these things are important, yes, but his lead in is what caught my attention...

10 I appeal to you, brothers and sisters,[a] in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought. 11 My brothers and sisters, some from Chloe’s household have informed me that there are quarrels among you. 12 What I mean is this: One of you says, “I follow Paul”; another, “I follow Apollos”; another, “I follow Cephas[b]”; still another, “I follow Christ.”

13 Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Were you baptized in the name of Paul? 14 I thank God that I did not baptize any of you except Crispus and Gaius, 15 so no one can say that you were baptized in my name. 16 (Yes, I also baptized the household of Stephanas; beyond that, I don’t remember if I baptized anyone else.) 17 For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel—not with wisdom and eloquence, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

... He wasn't sent to complicate things. They just became that way, unfortunately. For Paul, yes, but mainly for the church at Corinth. Paul wasn't the one experiencing confusion but rather the one trying to help them through it.

Paul expounds upon his opening statement in the verses to come (click the indented text to see the rest) by explaining that the power of the gospel isn't in man's wisdom, but it is really found in the crucifixion, and after fifteen chapters of working through issues of internal division, issues about which they wrote to him first, Paul finally brings it all home. For the sake of saving space, click this passage: I Corinthians 15.

The key here, which you will notice in verse 12, is that they were divided over the most fundamental part of our faith: the Gospel itself. The Gospel centers around the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Now, everyone dies. Some are burned, but some are buried, which Jesus was. They killed Him, put Him in the ground, like any other bloke... then He got out three days later, which other blokes didn't do. This proved that He is who He says: the perfect Son of God, the only sacrifice that could take our place and quell death for us... but the heart of it isn't as mechanical as that.

The heart of the resurrection is that it was the result of His love, and the result of the fact that He is worthy of our praise, our love, our hope, and most fundamentally our faith. What Paul said so many centuries ago, I reiterate now: If our hope in Christ does not surpass the bounds of death, we are to be pitied above all men. I admit freely that if there were no resurrection, our faith would be in shambles, and it would all be for nothing.

The truth remains that after the greatest act of love on earth was committed, miracles, voices of change, new and renewed lives, and a sense of community within and without adversity, sprang up, and despite fragmentation through generations, despite hypocrites, despite deviation, despite devastation, throughout history that same core has been carried down, and none of it has stopped... but it's not about the good things that you see being done, nor about the talents being used or who uses them, or any sort of mechanical movement of the God's chosen people: it is about the love that Jesus gave to us, and its about the love and the new life that is awakened and still awakening within us when we come to terms with the acceptance of Jesus.

Back to that story from two posts ago, the story about the friend at that youth conference, back in 2009 -- she saw the truth because she had this hope, this faith in the love of Jesus and the truth of it. It was her identity, and had it not been so, had she not been a friend to me in such a miniscule yet massive way, I probably would not be in the place I am today.

As we returned to the facility used for the conference, everything that was said before and after the break suddenly took on a new context. Now, I knew I was missing the point of faith, and I didn't really know what it was. Sure, I knew the concept like the back of my hand, but I didn't know how to trust. I don't know if my faith saved me before that day, but I do know that I walked away a completely different person with a completely different outlook, because I saw God's love in action, given to me through someone else He loved, to show me He loves me too, and that was enough to show me I didn't have to live in fear, and I've been getting over it ever since. Things haven't become easier, but I've definitely become stronger because now I have something lasting to live for.

The title of this blog, "Our Light Affliction," is a quote from II Corinthians 4:17-18 KJV, Paul's second letter to this same church. I adopted this because it hails back to the first letter, chapter 15. You can click the reference if you want to see, but it simply says that the pain we're dealing with now hides greater joy on the other side of it because the things we see here are fading away, but the things we don't see last forever. Love, hope, faith -- none of these can be tangibly seen, but they can be felt, and these things can be more real than the instruments through which we live them out.

The ultimate fulfillment of our faith is found in heaven, at the resurrection, when those who have given their lives to hope rather than to despair are given the blankest of slates and the freshest of starts, and no longer will anyone have to run from pain, push through adversity. That, my friends, is a hope worth living and dying for. Jesus thought so, and He lived it out.

Our faith in people and in God can go just as equally through the wood chipper because this world has grown so dark... but this world is not our home. I still have so many questions without answers but I don't need them all. I just need Jesus. I don't mean to go church mode, but if you're looking for something, whether or not you know what you're looking for, this Gospel is definitely a good place to start. Try it, and see whether or not it's worth believing.

Even if you do have faith, don't be afraid to get back to the basics every now and again. Remember where you came from, and don't lose heart when your doubts and faith collide. You're just experiencing life in a fallen world. It isn't the end of the world if you don't please every single person who claims to believe what you believe, nor are you a hypocrite for having questions or not having it all together. It's not a free pass to live recklessly, but we're all human, agnosto-Christian or otherwise. Life doesn't end here, so even when your faith goes through a wood chipper, it still comes out as your faith.

This is a letter to people of all faiths, Christian or not. This isn't a religious story but a testimony of what has been done for us all, and how that love sought me and found me. Who am I to stand in His way? I am dust, and I will return to the dust. Jesus, however, is love, and He lasts forever. That, my friends, is worth it. :)

Thoughts about Friendship, Distance, and Heaven by Michael Nichols

I don't usually rant when I blog. I usually don't get personal. I usually don't talk about myself. I usually talk about the metaphysical, the ideological, theological, philosophical, universal. I don't talk about me. Something is different, though. I have a lot on my mind. I need to get it out of my system. This is your final warning: turn back now if you don't want to hear it.

Okay. Ready? Here we go.

The world is dark. I know it, and so do most people, and to varying degrees. Some people feel more of the stress, others physical ailment, and others still loss of liberty. How do I know it? I know it in the form of loneliness. I'm not just talking about it in the sense of my being a single 21-year-old guy. I can deal with that. I've learned to deal with that. That is only one aspect of loneliness. As unpleasant as that may be, though, that should not be what I value most in life, among other things.

Everyone I knew when I graduated high school is either graduating college or close. I'm a sophomore in college. Took two years off for medical and psychological reasons. I had once planned to graduate this year with my bachelor's degree in music education. I had hoped to not be single, maybe even touring with a band by now, maybe even be a youth pastor. That was the plan. Now, everyone I knew or thought I knew is moving on with their lives. It's like elementary school all over again, which for me, consisted of ridicule and rejection. Now nobody is ridiculing or rejecting me. They're just gone.

Back then, I had something for which to fight. I had no other option other than to fade, and that wasn't in the docket. Eventually, I did find friends. They were few and far between, and some were even traitors. It wasn't fun, not even a little. Eventually, I stopped caring, and that was right around the time that I found friends that I trusted more than ever, that were truer than I had ever known. Now, I'm watching them slip away. It becomes harder and harder to communicate with them and not to miss them. It's nobody's fault. It just happens. People go in different directions, and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that other than the inability of the spectator to accept the sometimes gradual yet sometimes violent change in pace. That's my problem, not theirs, but that doesn't make it hurt less.

I've always been a watchful person. I notice things, usually down to the detail of the rugs at work not lining up edge-to-edge. For me to watch the fade is like that, noticing everything that could have led up to the fade, everything that could result from it, everything I would miss were the fade to set in like a permanent loss of feeling... yet I still know that it's not up to me and that I cannot do anything to stop it if it is determined to happen. I'm not just gonna hold with a death grip to those who matter most so that they can drag me around as deadweight, but I can never forget, and I cannot forget the fade. It really helps my desire to make new friends wane, but it shouldn't.

What if knowledge of inevitable loss was not meant to deter me from crossing new horizons, but rather to give me a reason to do so while there is still time? Are we fading here? Yes, and how. Is there anything permanent in this world? Not, not in this world. Heaven, Christ, God, salvation, love - these are called "myths" today, regarded as cautionary tales to tell our children at night in an effort to teach them submission to the social rules, keep us enslaved... but then everyone is a slave to something, even if we don't call it that. Slavery is the ability to use something, be it given or taken, usually assumed to be the latter due to social connotation...

So what about this Heaven "myth"? What if it is just that? Well, then life is completely pointless and bleak in that it began for nothing and it will end for nothing. For all of our sakes, we'd better hope that it is not. We lose so many things to the false hope and temporary pleasure that this world's mind offers by means of violent, chaotic, obsessive attachment because we fear a death that we were never made to handle or experience. We were never meant to hurt people by taking away that which they cherish. We were never meant to drift apart. Things weren't meant to be the way they are; otherwise, death wouldn't come to stop us in our tracks. We weren't meant to feel this way. I wasn't meant to feel this way, and no, it is not okay.

This place, this world, this life, will never be enough for me. I will always lose, I will always miss, I will always fail something. I'm not being fatalistic about it, over humble, or self-loathing, so do not misconstrue my words. This life will never be good enough for me, nor vice versa, but thank God that it is not this life in which I place my hope. I can't say that the kingdom of God is always on my mind, but I'm thankful that Jesus always somehow brings me back to a place of remembrance of the world to come.

Haste the dawn.

How Could You? by Michael Nichols

Preliminary notes: 1, I'm titling this entry as a question, the first time I have done so; 2, I'm actually going to talk about myself and what's going on with me instead of being overly philosophical (GASP).

A decision comes in every persons life. This decision is not an easy one, but it is an inevitable one. It may not even be obvious, but hindsight will make it crystal clear that you have made a decision that you were not consciously aware of because you did not want to assume you were capable of making such an atrocious decision over something so fragile: friendship.

We don't even think about it at first, but every single choice we make pushes us in and out of alliances, groups us and regroups us, both uniting and dividing us. It happens. We are one big chemical reaction in a social cauldron that our culture has decided to use to cook up its potions. Inside this concoction, we aren't always aware of the chaos that surrounds us, but we are aware of the chaos that surrounds us personally - well, usually we are aware of that, but I'll get there in a minute.

I could beat a dead horse, ranting about all the different feelings and thoughts that ensue the making and breaking of acquaintances, friends, and more, but ... (I point at the preceding cliche...) I think it's safe to say that everyone has experienced love and loss, or at least seen it coming from a distance.

The thing that is so agonizing about the whole thing is that you have absolutely no control over what people do. I don't care if all your friends are 100% genuine and 99% perfect, nor do I care if everything has been staged from day one, people standing as spectators to watch you rise and fall and/or vice versa. People are going to do what they do regardless of what you say or do, be that they pin their heart on their sleeve or a script in its place.

At the same time, it can be such a joyous thing (especially for those of us who have experienced the stark reality of loneliness and the darkness that is the world that we have unfortunately as a race handed over to idols and the ideas they represent) to experience relationships, be they family, sibling, romantic, platonic, whatever. It can remind you that you've truly never been alone and that you were made to see this moment of beauty, where nothing and everything collide, and a connection is made, one that you hope to never lose.

This, readers, is the message I have to send: we choose who we lose. It may not be always, but in the end, we have all been there. We walk through life like it's nothing, and sometimes we walk through it like it's quicksand, every step pulling us closer to our inevitable doom. We walk into it with some who make it through with us at the end, and there are some that we lose along the way. At the same time, we pick up others as we wander, people who have either become separated or plainly rejected. Some of those people are serpents in disguise, damage waiting to happen. Some people still have absolutely no clue how to even handle people. They don't get how to be a friend in the simplest sense of that, so God help whomever they marry. We run from others still who threaten our safety. We also underrate people. How unfortunate. How arrogant. We save some people, and sometimes we just don't make it in time. Some of us are just along for the ride. Often, we find ourselves stranded... and how do you choose? How do you make that call? How is it that you explain to someone that they're going under the knife whether they like it or not?

Look, don't get me wrong, sometimes you have to create distance for your own protection. Sometimes, it's to sort through things. But when you look back at the past four years of your life...

When I look back at the past four year of my life, I cringe every time. The beginning of 2009 was when I truly began to own up to my life and try to be responsible, take care of myself, not let people push me around, not let people discourage me, rely as fully upon Jesus Christ as I possibly could. I got out from under my own roof, moved in with my grandparents, began a new relationship with a new assembly of Christ-followers, graduated high school, and turned a very icy shoulder to everyone who ever screwed me over. I had most of my thyroid removed later that year. Dreams that I'd had somehow spilled through to the waking world. I had numerous crushes, none of which I really pursued. I did end up in a relationship with the one I actually did pursue, but then I ran that into the ground. Let's see, then I got my heart ripped from my ribcage, shown to me, put back, and run from. A few months down the road, I finally had taken all I could, stopped running after the things I wanted... really just stopped in general. Conversely, I ran away from everything that hurt.

At that point, I didn't know how to hold a relationship or even a friendship, and I was convinced it was my fault. Well, there's always plenty of blame to go around, but I definitely started learning a very important lesson about people: they happen. They come, and they go, and - here's a thought - maybe they aren't all conspiring against me, and maybe it's not my fault! I'm not saying I'm faultless by any means, but rather that people leaving my presence isn't necessarily intentional nor is it directly related to something I've done or some ugly aspect of myself.

Two years later, I realized that running away was a huge mistake. I did the exact thing that everyone who was running me through with shards of shattered glass was doing for themselves: just trying to get away from the pain they had held onto for so long. I didn't realize that part first, and that was definitely not the most important thing I learned.

I've been guilty of handling lots of my relationships (that means friendship and romantic relationships) very poorly (which sometimes means simply not handling them or dealing with them at all) during these four years, guilty of a lot of the obnoxiously vague beginnings and endings of acquaintances I described earlier. I've really made an idol out of my relationships in general, what people think of me, how I feel about life, and that's not okay. Yes, they are important, but more important is eternal destiny, the Messiah who died and lives again to provide eternal hope for us, and the people on the other end of the relationships, than the relationships themselves, not to diminish the importance of healthy relationships.

The main thing that I realized is that we simply don't have the time - sorry - I simply don't have the time or energy to waste caring what people think, missing opportunities to make friends or keep them, or even worrying that I did something horribly wrong or am just hideous and will be stranded in a very lonely place for the rest of my life. First of all, God has a better plan than that for me. I know it even if it doesn't always feel that way. Second of all, hope lies more than in friendships on this side of death. There is another place where no harm can come and any separation we experienced here becomes an official non-issue. If that's not true, I and the rest of humanity are doomed to an extremely bleak and brief existence. "Friends forever" takes on a whole new meaning there.

Until then, I can't afford to let my longing for closeness overwrite what hope I have in eternity. I've had these idols for way too long. It's taken this long to realize that, and I can't afford to turn back now, although I'm sure I'll fall on my face a few times, or fifty...

...thousand. Haha.

I guess that, until then, I'll just live my life and not give up searching for someone who can love me as much as God helping me to be capable of loving them, because I can assure you that I don't really love well. I'm not waiting to become as good as Jesus because we're not capable of that. I won't deny that some nights I writhe both in the memory of things past and impatience for things to come, but I know I can rest in the fact that Jesus is God the Provider, and when He knows it's time, everything will be okay...

... as in phenomenal...

... as in... hmm... words are too lame to describe it. Oh well. Rant over... for now.

[Insert some new signature here. I haven't figured out what to put here yet, though. Oh well. :P]